top of page

Letting Go of People-Pleasing

Often we are holding onto things we dont need to hold, as a recovering people pleaser this is a personal one to me!

As someone who's walked the path of a recovering people-pleaser, I understand firsthand the weight of carrying unnecessary burdens. It's a journey marked by self-discovery, reflection, and ultimately, liberation from the chains of constantly seeking validation from others.

Today, I want to delve into the intricacies of why we feel compelled to please, the reluctance to let go, the art of pleasing people, and the possibility of change, even when it feels intertwined with our very identity.

The Urge to Please

The desire to please others often stems from a deep-seated need for validation and acceptance. We yearn for the approval of those around us, fearing rejection or criticism if we fail to meet their expectations. This need for external validation can become ingrained in our psyche, shaping our behaviours and decisions as we navigate relationships and social interactions.

A way to start with this urge to please is to explore your behaviours that are reliant on others' reactions, do you stay quiet, say things or make adjustments without thinking, when did you last pick something that brings you joy without consideration to anyone else?

Start noticing your adjustments that are for external validations and build self-compassion with your own validations, that inner voice is a powerful thing!

The Fear of Disapproval

At the heart of people-pleasing lies a fear of disapproval or rejection. We worry that asserting our own needs and boundaries will lead to conflict or alienation, so we go to great lengths to avoid rocking the boat. This fear can be paralyzing, trapping us in a cycle of prioritizing others' needs above our own, even at the expense of our well-being.

For me this is still on my road to recovery, the fear of doing something wrong is slowly being replaced with an understanding of common humanity and that I can learn from things that do not go as planned.

Think back on those moments that trigger those fear cycles and find the teachings within, empower your way forward!

The Illusion of Identity

For many, people-pleasing becomes so deeply ingrained that it becomes intertwined with their sense of self. They may perceive it as a core aspect of their identity, believing that they wouldn't know who they are without it. This illusion of identity can be daunting to confront, as it requires challenging long-held beliefs and stepping into unfamiliar territory.

" I am a mum, they come first!" how often do you put people first, when do you take time for yourself to discover what's needed for you, this individual identity that has been taken ownership of is also often a cultural one. Spend time and explore who you are without the expectations of others and society, yes as a mum I have to look after others, but I can not help them if I am not taking care of myself first. Check what you're absorbing as identity, They may be societal expectations. People pleasing is not your identity it's a thought process!

The Art of Pleasing People

While there's nothing inherently wrong with wanting to make others happy, As someone with kindness as their character strength, kindness and making others happy fills my soul up with joy BUT the art of pleasing people becomes detrimental when it comes at the expense of our authenticity and well-being!

Without boundaries and understanding of self, True connection and likability stem from genuine interactions and mutual respect, rather than bending over backwards to meet others' expectations.

As we embark on the journey of letting go of people-pleasing, How about shifting that attention to learning to reconnect with our authentic selves and self-compassion?

We recognize that our worth is not contingent on the approval of others and that asserting our needs and boundaries is an act of self-respect. It's about honouring our truth, even when it feels uncomfortable or unfamiliar.

Selfish is not always a bad word, focusing on yourself and enabling that self to have healthy boundaries can empower you going forward to build relationships that do not depend on your adaptation to a forced ideal of expectations

Letting go of people-pleasing is a journey of self-discovery and empowerment. It requires courage, vulnerability, and a willingness to challenge the beliefs that hold us back.

This path isn't one that won't have pot holes in but is worth every minute

Take the time for self-discovery to step outside of others' expectations!

Enjoy the journey

Tracy xx

4 views0 comments


bottom of page